Okay, as mundane as it sounds there are a lot of articles around the internet that are fundamentally misunderstanding the simplicity of this request: how do I reconnect my bluetooth device after it's been disconnected from being in my laptop bag or whatever.

There is no reconnect option in Windows 7 and the reconnect option in OS X is fairly buried. As long as your device is in the bluetooth devices menu the following should work for you:

Mash buttons.

I know how stupid that sounds, but it's been working for me for a couple days now and I'm staggered that I didn't think of it earlier. I always wiggled the mouse or hit the alt key on the keyboard like I do to wake my mac from sleep, but it really needs a good ole mashing.